How many inquiries are enough, and how many people should I call?different viewsask your rav

For a constructive purpose he allows investigating as much as a person needs for clarity and confidence, while warning against nitpicking. In his presentation of the Chofetz Chaim's conditions, even a small question can matter: no question is too minor if we believe it will be of benefit. Insufficient checking can also lead to harm.

“it is permissible to research and investigate each candidate as much as a person feels is necessary”

In the story told, he limited himself to one call to a trusted acquaintance, to find out whether this was a good, ordinary young man. He explained his approach this way: the more inquiries and investigations, the more confusion a person creates. The family then met the candidate and quickly concluded the shidduch.

He warns that a mass of individually biased reports does not necessarily add up to an accurate picture: too much information can be misleading and wrong. In his approach, general information about the person's environment is more useful than an endless set of narrow classifying questions.

“too much information can be misleading and wrong”

Checking references and listening thoughtfully is sensible, but questioning every possible acquaintance she considers excessive: chasing down everyone who could possibly add an iota of information is not practical, or even advisable. She disputes the assumption that there can never be too many inquiries.

“is not practical, or even advisable”

He suggests gathering enough to be confident that the proposal has promise, without trying to guarantee the distant future: you are not in the long-term prediction business. The many small things and the character work still to come limit any prediction.

“You are not in the long-term prediction business”

He recommends asking at least three different people and checking whether the essential characteristics repeat. Exaggerated praise he suggests discounting sharply: assume that you can subtract eighty percent of what you hear. That is his practical rule for weighing reports.

“Assume that you can subtract 80 percent of what you hear”

She put it this way: two phone calls are enough. You will hear whatever Hashem wants you to hear; if He does not want it, you will not hear it even after thirty calls, and if He does, you will learn it from two. Inquiries can take you only so far.

“You only have to make two phone calls. You will hear whatever HaShem wants you to hear.”