Why do I need a shidduch résumé, and what goes into it?different views
A résumé lets a candidate be presented quickly, without collecting the basic facts all over again: name, age, where he or she lives, parents and their occupations, schooling and work, siblings, two or three references with phone numbers. A short section on hashkafa, character, chesed and what the person is looking for helps the reader get a feel for who this is.
They suggest gathering in advance the details about parents and family, schooling and work, the rav, teachers and close friends, with phone numbers for references. Chesed activities, talents, interests and years of study are useful too; in their samples, personal traits sit next to concrete activities. Keep a written list of the basic background, references and phone numbers so that it is on hand. They note that some shadchanim ask for a photograph.
“Have a written list of background information, references, and phone numbers available so that it will be on hand”
She thinks it is important to show what the person lives for, which qualities he is looking for in a spouse and what kind of home he wants to build. It is not a job résumé; it should give a feel for what he is all about. She considers a photograph a required part of the profile and advises using several channels to find matches.
“It is not a job resumé... give a feel for what he's all about.”
Even a thorough interview and a long questionnaire do not replace a short sheet that is easy to hand to someone who has shown interest. She recommends a clear, concise information sheet that can be copied and forwarded easily. Its purpose is to present the candidate quickly, without collecting the basic facts a second time.
“you still need to have an easily copied, and easily transmitted, clear, concise information sheet”
She describes the usual contents of a résumé: name; age, better given as a date of birth, which does not go out of date; where I live and where I have lived for long stretches; father's name and occupation; mother's name, maiden name and occupation; where I study or work; schools; details about brothers and sisters; references with phone numbers. Some add a separate section on hashkafa, on character and on whom they are looking for. She advises listing two or three references and supplying the rest later if needed. The reason is simple: neighbours and rebbeim do not want endless calls about a candidate who has little chance.
“The shidduch resume has all of your basic biographical information”
Related questions
- Whom may I ask about a candidate, and whom should I not ask?
- What should I actually ask about when checking a shidduch?
- Where do a person's middos really show: in public or at home?
- How do I check a candidate's family: what to look at and what to ask?
- Why make shidduch inquiries at all? Can't I just meet the person and decide for myself?
- Is saying something negative about a candidate lashon hara, and under what conditions is it permitted at all?
- What must I disclose about myself even if I am not asked?
- I am being treated by a psychologist or psychiatrist. When do I need to disclose this in a shidduch?
- Which questions about a candidate are useless: is he smart, does he have good middos?
- How many inquiries are enough, and how many people should I call?
- Which questions exactly should I ask when making inquiries about a candidate?
- What may and may not be said when I am asked for a reference about someone?
- What about my health and past must I disclose before a shidduch, illnesses, medications, circumstances, and where is the limit of what is required?
- Is it true that absurd questions get asked in shidduch inquiries, and what do they accomplish?
- How do I work with a candidate's references: ask everyone everything, and what can I expect from them?
- The shidduch résumé: does it matter, is it immodest to send one, and how do I read someone else's?
