What may and may not be said when I am asked for a reference about someone?ask your rav
The answer must be accurate, necessary for a constructive purpose and free of needless damage; sometimes silence too breaches a duty.
In the account cited, substantive questions about illness and serious religious matters are permitted, but demeaning comparisons and irrelevant disparaging judgements are forbidden: it is forbidden to defame someone because of something that his father did. Limited academic ability is not offered as grounds for disparagement.
“it is forbidden to defame someone because of something that his father did”
The guide, compiled mainly from his letters, stresses the utmost care on the part of the person giving a reference; when in doubt about what may be revealed, a competent rav must be asked. Answers must be accurate and free of lashon hara or rechilus. This is a general requirement about form and reliability.
By his rules, a serious hidden illness may be reported to the other side only with complete certainty, without exaggeration, and out of concern for the person rather than dislike. A natural weakness does not belong in this category; if it is clear that the marriage will go ahead regardless, one may not speak, since nothing good will come of the warning, and revealing such negative information is then forbidden.
He requires halacha to be observed both in asking and in answering, remembering also what one is obliged to report. Irrelevant, subjective, distorted or gratuitously harmful information must be avoided at all costs. Care also includes the prohibition on withholding what is necessary.
“Irrelevant, subjective, distorted, or gratuitously harmful data must be avoided at all costs.”
Related questions
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