The shidduch résumé: does it matter, is it immodest to send one, and how do I read someone else's?ask your rav
A résumé helps start the process and makes inquiries easier, but it is no substitute for letting your personality come through on the dates themselves.
She distinguishes between what gets you a date and what leads to marriage. A great shidduch résumé might get you a date. What happens next depends on your ability to be yourself while dating, not on endlessly polishing a piece of paper.
“A great shidduch résumé might get you a date”
A prepared profile cuts down on repeated clarifications and helps find mutual acquaintances for inquiries. In this context they say that this is no place for modesty, encouraging you to share useful information about yourself and your interests. At the same time they note that communities differ, and advise that when in doubt you discuss with a rav or shadchan whether a particular detail belongs there.
“This is no place for modesty.”
She advises reading the personal section carefully; people usually put a lot of work into it. In her judgement it usually reflects the essence of the person accurately, which is why it pays to read closely what the candidate has chosen to say about himself.
“it usually reflects the essence of the person accurately”
Related questions
- Whom may I ask about a candidate, and whom should I not ask?
- What should I actually ask about when checking a shidduch?
- Where do a person's middos really show: in public or at home?
- How do I check a candidate's family: what to look at and what to ask?
- Why make shidduch inquiries at all? Can't I just meet the person and decide for myself?
- Is saying something negative about a candidate lashon hara, and under what conditions is it permitted at all?
- What must I disclose about myself even if I am not asked?
- I am being treated by a psychologist or psychiatrist. When do I need to disclose this in a shidduch?
- Which questions about a candidate are useless: is he smart, does he have good middos?
- How many inquiries are enough, and how many people should I call?
- Which questions exactly should I ask when making inquiries about a candidate?
- What may and may not be said when I am asked for a reference about someone?
- What about my health and past must I disclose before a shidduch, illnesses, medications, circumstances, and where is the limit of what is required?
- Why do I need a shidduch résumé, and what goes into it?
- Is it true that absurd questions get asked in shidduch inquiries, and what do they accomplish?
- How do I work with a candidate's references: ask everyone everything, and what can I expect from them?
