I'm being pressured and rushed to decide. Should I make a decision under pressure?

Everyone's timeline differs: one couple he knew met on a Wednesday and were engaged on Monday; another dated for more than half a year until she felt ready for a lifelong commitment. A caution: recently a woman was pressured by the shadchan to commit after a few dates, and she was very anxious. He invited the young man to his home for Shabbos: he turned out to be unstable and to have serious medical problems, and a few hours after havdalah the rav advised her to break off the shidduch. She has since married someone else, and the young man recognised his problem and is being treated.

“I recently had a lady who was pressured by the shadchan after a few dates to commit herself.”

This is about building an everlasting edifice, so short-term circumstances should not count at all. He writes plainly what he sees: the proposal is being considered only because of pressure and because of uncertainty about whether learning will go smoothly after the wedding, that is, for external reasons. And since more minuses than pluses were found despite the pressure, other proposals should be considered; and if a person truly wants to, he will be able to learn Torah in peace after the wedding too. He repeats this in many letters: marriage is the most important event in the life of a man and a woman, leaving its mark on their whole life, and such a decision requires considerable thought and cannot be made in haste. It needs yishuv hadaas, settled, composed deliberation, and the very approach to the question, let alone the decision, must come from calm of soul, not from turmoil and not under outside pressure. To someone who wrote that he himself was confused, he answers firmly: precisely because the person is aware of this, he should not take a step that binds him for years ahead, and a shidduch binds for life. He adds a general reminder: even in the best circumstances, a marriage between two people always carries an element of risk as far as future adjustment goes, even when their backgrounds are completely identical. One must think about it seriously and intensely, but the difficulty of the decision must not break a person. The reason is a matter of principle: a correct decision on such a question can be made only in a state of calm and clarity, and never in the opposite state. A decision to go ahead is made when there is clarity that the shidduch is good, not in a state of confusion. He writes that entering marriage is the most important event in the life of a man and a woman and that it affects their whole life thereafter, which is exactly why the decision requires serious reflection and cannot be made hastily.

“Short-term issues are not to be considered.”

Never give in to pressure: as long as you do not feel at peace, do not finalize the shidduch. If you give in, you will later ask yourself what you did and why, and at every friction in married life, and there will be frictions, which will have to be smoothed over so life can go on, you will grumble that you were pushed into it. How many times you met, five, seven or ten, makes no difference.

“Never give in to pressure. As long as you don't feel comfortable, don't finalize.”

The teaching cited tells a man to wait before marrying a woman, and Rashi explains this as the need to examine her conduct and character. The emphasis is on deeds and actual behaviour, not on a hasty decision based on general impressions.