I've decided not to continue. How and when should I give my answer after a date?
Give your answer quickly and clearly, ideally within a day: do not hold back a no or turn it into a maybe, and if you need time to think or to consult someone, tell the shadchan so right away, because the wait is painful for the other side. The only thing being decided is whether there is enough interest for another meeting, and when the answer is a clear no, it is fine for the girl to call the shadchan first.
Her main rule is short: give an answer, and give it fast, because the waiting period is painful for the other side. Do not hold back a no, and with a yes, let the other person enjoy hearing it. If you need time to think or to consult someone, call the shadchan right away and say so. A girl, who usually waits for the young man's answer first, need not stand on ceremony when her answer is a clear no: calling the shadchan herself without waiting for his call is normal and even respectful.
“The first point about giving an answer is: give an answer.”
Communicate your decision as soon as possible and clearly. If the answer is no, do not say maybe; and if you are genuinely unsure, say that. Do not keep the other side in limbo longer than necessary. He also reminds you that the question being decided here is not whether to marry this person, but only whether there is enough interest for another meeting.
“If the answer is 'No,' don't say 'Maybe.'”
Her benchmark is to answer as soon as possible and no later than twenty-four hours, barring extraordinary circumstances. That answer may be a message that you need more time rather than an immediate decision to continue. As the dating progresses she allows more time between meetings.
“you should give an answer to the shadchan within 24 hours maximum”
Related questions
- I've decided not to continue. Do I have to explain why -- to the shadchan or to the person?
- I see flaws in him. Where is the line between what I can live with and what is a reason to walk away?
- Which red flags on dates should put me on guard?
- The first impression was weak and there is no serious reason to say no. Should I give it a second chance, and how do I decide after a first meeting at all?
- I'm being pressured and rushed to decide. Should I make a decision under pressure?
- Something about this person worries me. How do I avoid ignoring red flags?
- I keep making excuses for his behaviour. Is that a warning sign?
- Everything fits, but there is no love, no click, no emotional connection yet. Can I move forward?
- I was turned down (or the engagement fell through at the last moment). How do I get through it, and does it mean something is wrong with me?
- So many dates and so many rejections. Is something wrong with me, and how much longer will this last?
- Before the engagement I am gripped by fear and anxiety: what if this is a mistake? Is that normal, or a sign that this is the wrong person?
- I keep being rejected at the same stage. What am I doing wrong?
