Why do the bride and groom fast on their wedding day, and is this custom followed in every community?ask your rav
The wedding-day fast is tied to teshuvah — it is a personal Yom Kippur on which past sins are forgiven — as well as to sobriety at the kiddushin, to the idea that a chossan is like a king who is judged every day, to remembering the Churban, to the fast before Matan Torah, and to freeing oneself from the pursuit of self-interest that breeds discord; if the fast is too hard, a minimal amount of food without alcohol is permitted. The custom is not universal — Sephardim, for instance, do not fast.
He calls the fast one of the paths of teshuvah. This spiritual work, in his explanation, raises a person to a level where there is no sin or blemish.
“The chosson and kallah fast because fasting is one of the paths of teshuvah.”
He compares the wedding day to a personal Yom Kippur and advises self-examination, regret, resolutions for the future, and a plea for mercy. Alongside atonement, he names sobriety at the kiddushin and removing sources of conflict; if the fast is very hard and there's concern about feeling unwell under the chuppah, he permits a minimal amount of food, without alcohol.
“The wedding day is considered a personal Yom Kippur.”
He also collects explanations tied to the fast before a special mitzvah and the covenant at Sinai, to a king's judgment, to remembering the Churban, and to restraint. Another teaching he passes on connects the fast and teshuvah to lessening the pursuit of one's own gain, which breeds discord, and to preparing for selfless love.
“Sin creates rifts and discord in human relationships.”
Asked about the basis for the fast, Rav Chaim points to the Shulchan Aruch and earlier sources. The surviving record has no fuller explanation, only a reference.
“the source for the chosson's and kallah's fast on their wedding day.”
The day's significance as a time of forgiveness calls for teshuvah and extra tzedakah. Some communities fast, however.
“the Sephardic custom is that the chosson and kallah do not fast.”
He gathers the reasons for the custom together. The wedding day is a day of atonement, like Yom Kippur. A chossan is like a king, and a king is judged every day. The fast guards against intoxication, which could cast doubt on the validity of the kiddushin. It humbles a person and helps prevent the quarrels that often flare up over wedding preparations. The 'early chassidim' fasted before a beloved mitzvah; there is also a fast in memory of the destruction of Yerushalayim; and finally, a wedding echoes the giving of the Torah, before which the Jewish people fasted. He also notes that not every community fasts — Sephardim, for instance, have no such custom.
“The chosson and kallah fast to draw down mercy from Above and to head off possible quarrels.”
He views the fast as part of spiritual purification before the sacred act of kiddushin, underscoring the solemnity of the moment. Both fast and pray fervently that Hashem bless them and that the marriage succeed. He too compares the wedding day to Yom Kippur: a new life is given, and past sins are forgiven. And he adds one more point: through the fast, the chossan and kallah show that they can set aside the purely physical, just as Moshe fasted forty days when receiving the Torah.
“Both fast and pray fervently that Hashem bless them and that the marriage be a successful one.”
