I can't afford to marry off my child. Where do I get the money for the wedding?
Money for a wedding is sought through the usual channels — fundraising, turning to the community and to one's employer, including for a loan, and getting advice from those who have gone through the same thing — and alongside this, one prays and relies on Hashem: He has a separate treasury for wedding expenses, and He arranges for Torah-justified expenses to be covered, even when the source isn't visible yet. Many of the stories here show how the needed sum arrived through a chance encounter, a debt repaid, or an inheritance.
In one letter he explains that the annual livelihood allotted to a person already includes the expenses of joyous mitzvos. In a reply concerning a father who had taken on the costs of his daughter's wedding, he ties the obligation to help her to the principle that Hashem does not demand the impossible. This statement refers to expenses justified from the Torah's standpoint, not to any sum a person happens to choose. In correspondence with a mother and her chassan son, he suggested turning to the leadership of the Chabad institution where the son worked, including for a loan. To the chassan in particular he advised finding out how other young men had managed similar expenses in those same years, and encouraged him with the example of families already built. Reb Meir Itkin, who had no funds for his second daughter's wedding, asked for a brachah for parnassah before the wedding. The Rebbe told him to speak with the secretariat about a sum that would ease the burden, and relayed in the name of the Rebbe Rayatz: Hashem has a separate treasury set aside specifically for wedding expenses. A person's total income is determined on Rosh Hashanah, but wedding money is not part of that sum. After this, the Rebbe blessed Reb Meir and his wife.
“Hashem does not make impossible demands of His creations.”
When the father of ten daughters asked for help, the Gaon himself was in need, but he threw himself energetically into raising funds. The story reports that, thanks to these efforts, all the daughters were successfully married off.
“thanks to his efforts, all the daughters were happily married off.”
When there were no funds for his daughter's wedding, he drew confidence from remembering the manna in the desert. According to the family story, thirty years later, a man who had lost his father-in-law's money in a failed venture unexpectedly returned and paid back almost the whole debt. That sum arrived at exactly the time of the wedding expenses.
“The manna fell from heaven at just the right moment.”
In his story, a father could not afford the bridal chair for his daughter's wedding and told her to turn to her Father in Heaven. After she prayed, an expensive chair ordered for a later wedding on the floor above was delivered to her by mistake. According to the story, she was able to use it at her own celebration.
“Your Father in Heaven owns all the money in the world.”
A kallah named Naomi happened to be riding with a woman who was looking precisely for a needy kallah whose wedding she could pay for. After admitting to her family's difficulties, Naomi received this help. The author sees in this simple meeting between two people a way that a great need was met.
“Hashem can help us with all our needs in the simplest possible way.”
A former student asked him where to direct his maaser, and just a few hours later the rav heard about a couple who were short more than fifteen thousand dollars. He connected the student to this need, and the student happily covered the sum. The story emphasizes how people who would otherwise have hardly ever met were brought together.
“Hashem was, once again, bringing people together.”
Rav and Rebbetzin L. did not know where to find the money for their third son's wedding, and prayed and sought advice a great deal. Word came from London: a childless elderly aunt had passed away, leaving no estate, only furniture for her nephews and nieces; Rav L. was left with paintings of dogs that had hung in her apartment for half a century. The appraiser hoped to get a few hundred pounds for them, but at auction collectors drove the price up to a six-figure sum, and the wedding was paid for.
“Nechemiah's wedding was paid for in one miraculous night.”
A week before the wedding, a mother turned to the organization: even after cutting expenses, she was still short five thousand dollars, and the celebration was in danger of being canceled. The director promised to do what he could and turned to prayer. According to the story, an acquaintance soon offered exactly the sum needed for the poor kallah, and another person offered free music.
“If I don't find the money before the wedding, it will have to be canceled.”
After an unsuccessful attempt to raise help, he prayed in a shul, where a stranger directed him to a wealthy man. That man at first harshly criticized the father for having so many children, but the father answered him with Chazal's teaching about the three partners in creating a person. According to the story, this exchange changed the benefactor's attitude; he paid for the wedding and went on to help the family's other children as well.
“I was Hashem's partner eleven times.”
