The Art of Interviewing: What Profiles Do Not Tell You

Even a perfect profile cannot reveal everything. A good shadchan reads a profile not as a final verdict, but as an invitation to ask precise questions.

Watch not only what is written, but what is repeated. When speaking with references, it is especially useful to note the first few words they use to describe the candidate. Those instinctive first impressions are often more revealing than long speeches.

Check for mentchlichkeit. The main question is not only whether a person is bright or accomplished, but whether he or she is a baal middos. Ask for concrete examples of chesed, conduct under pressure, and treatment of weaker or less convenient people.

Yiras Shamayim shows itself in ordinary life. One of the best indicators is not a declaration, but how a person davens, speaks about parents, and keeps his or her word in small matters.

Do not confuse polish with depth. Some people present themselves beautifully and still create anxiety upon closer contact. Others sound awkward and yet carry rare maturity and steadiness.

Practical takeaway. A shadchan should interview not in order to build a glossy dossier, but to form a living picture of character. The paper should help reveal the person, not hide him.