The shidduch WhatsApp group trap: the psychology of "fast casting" and the devaluation of the person
When the database of profiles refreshes every minute, a person becomes a product that gets swiped past in a fraction of a second.
With the arrival of messaging apps, the classic shidduch tried to modernize. Thousands of closed WhatsApp groups sprang up, where moderators post dozens of profiles of young men and women every day. But instead of helping, this format created a deep psychological crisis that Reddit users call "a market of human spam."
The butcher-shop effect, gone digital
In groups like these a person is reduced to a text message that users scroll past in fractions of a second.
A voice from the forums:
"My profile is posted in 20 WhatsApp groups. Every day I watch another 50 listings just like mine go up alongside it. 'Modest, cooks, looking for a yeshiva boy...' I feel like a product on clearance. People have stopped actually reading. If they don't like the font or the first line, they just scroll on. It kills any respect for the process of building a family."
The psychology behind it: WhatsApp groups have set off a process of hyper-objectification. When the database refreshes every minute, a consumer mindset kicks in. Why spend time talking and trying to understand the person in this profile when there are thirty more below? It devalues the very essence of a Jewish introduction, turning it into an endless, fruitless casting call.
How to use this tool without damaging your psyche
Ration your presence. Don't let your profile blur into the community's field of vision. It's better to work personally with 1-2 trusted shadchanim than to hang in thirty group chats.
Leave the groups if you feel burned out. If scrolling through yet another list of candidates fills you with a dull irritation, leave the chats for a month. Relationships begun from a state of mental nausea are rarely successful.
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