May a shadchan embellish a candidate — where is the line between selling and lying?different viewsask your rav
Outright lying is rejected across the board; how far a shadchan may go in withholding information or presenting a candidate favorably is limited differently by different sources, and left for halachic guidance.
He distinguishes persuading someone not to fixate on something unimportant from deception. The first can even be a mitzvah, but misleading people about money or other real circumstances he categorically forbids.
“It is categorically forbidden to deceive them about financial or other circumstances.”
As his teaching is presented and explained by the compilers, this is about a compassionate, flexible presentation within strictly permitted bounds. Limited disclosure does not become license to invent facts; the specific boundaries are set by halacha.
“Of course, outright lying is forbidden.”
In this historical account, a shadchan kept people's trust, never lied about facts, but knew how to vividly highlight the good and downplay the bad. Shapiro believes listeners understood this kind of presentation was not to be taken literally. This is his description of an accepted style of communication, not a general license to mislead someone who trusts you.
“A shadchan could never lie, or he would lose people's trust.”
As presented by Rav Yitzchok Berkowitz, one may not promote a match by hiding information that, if known, would cause that family to decline. Instead of concealing an age or a background that matters to the family, the suggestion is to explain the circumstances and show the candidate's merits. The matchmaker himself must also genuinely believe the shidduch makes sense.
“A shidduch is not proposed to a family known to be especially strict about lineage.”
The author forbids misinforming either side in order to bring a match to a successful close. He considers it especially serious to conceal circumstances that could later cause harm and bring discord into a family.
“that does not justify achieving the goal by any means.”
He discusses individual cases where parents' inflated demands clash with the couple's actual needs, and in such cases allows for concealing flaws or describing merits more strongly. However, he explicitly warns against taking such judgment upon oneself hastily: a Torah authority's advice is required first. This is a limited position of the author's, not permission to decide on one's own which truths the other side may go without.
“Sometimes one has to conceal flaws or exaggerate merits.”
He brings a humorous exaggeration in which a shadchan turns every objection into a virtue. Its point here is to illustrate a favorable way of looking at each other as spouses; it is not an instruction to conceal real facts when choosing a match.
“This is a virtue, not a flaw.”
