Is there a way to test my feelings: take a break, or meet once more?
The Rebbe suggests several ways of clarifying one's feelings, and the choice between a pause and another meeting depends on the person.
In one letter he suggests comparing one's feelings about this proposal and another, or imagining one's reaction if the other side were to distance itself. In another, temporarily stopping the meetings, letters and calls so as to weigh one's feelings more calmly; the three to four weeks mentioned are given as a usual benchmark, with character taken into account. At the same time the Rebbe explicitly allows the opposite route as well, an additional meeting, if that is what will help clarify one's attitude. In a letter to a young woman he also advises testing the effect of separating and stopping the constant correspondence. If after this the feelings remain firm on both sides, the obstacles can be discussed openly, for example the seriousness of Torah study, giving the young man a chance to understand whether such a way of life suits him; help from friends in the conversation is acceptable too.
“The second way is by imagining what one's reaction would be if”
Related questions
- How often should a chosson and kallah meet and speak before the wedding, and what should they talk about?
- What do we talk about once dating gets serious, and what must be covered before the engagement?
- When do we move from light topics to serious ones, and how should the conversation deepen from date to date?
