Why does the Torah separate husband and wife during the days of niddah, and what does this monthly pause give to a marriage?ask your rav
The monthly pause keeps familiarity from dulling love, and at reunion restores the wife's special value in her husband's eyes; during these days the couple remains inwardly connected, finds verbal and other ways to express closeness, and renews their strength. Careful observance of taharas hamishpacha sanctifies the relationship and forms the basis of peace in the home, while neglecting it can lead to estrangement.
Abstaining from intimacy while the wife is a niddah — during her cycle and for seven days afterward — has been shown to benefit the relationship. This is a substantial topic and shouldn't be rushed through: there are experienced teachers and many books devoted to it, and those are the resources to turn to.
“It has been shown that this benefits the marital relationship.”
Scrupulous observance of the laws of taharas hamishpacha sanctifies the relationship between husband and wife and fills it with the sense that a third partner — Hashem — takes part in bringing new life into being. It also forms the basis of peace and quiet in the home, and strengthens and improves the relationship between the couple. He calls it the most important factor in preserving a marriage. The Rebbe ties the wholeness of married life to careful observance of the laws of taharas hamishpacha. The prescribed separation, as he explains it, strengthens the closeness that follows, while departing from this order can lead to estrangement.
“is the most important factor in preserving a family.”
The author relates that the break in physical intimacy helped him and his wife focus on emotional and intellectual connection. He ties the return to intimacy to a renewal of attraction. His rough calendar sketch does not determine exactly when intimacy is permitted in any particular situation.
“The emotional connection moves to the foreground.”
In the explanation cited here, the separation keeps familiarity from dulling love. Reuniting restores the wife's special value in her husband's eyes.
“She will be as dear to her husband as when he first brought her under the chuppah.”
They see this time as an opportunity to restore one's own strength and to develop other ways of expressing attachment. Its meaning is revealed through the reunion that follows.
“Niddah is separation for the sake of connection.”
He stresses that during these days the couple does not stop being inwardly connected. The words of the Sages cited here call the shared space of husband and wife 'the house of her delight' even when intimacy is forbidden.
He explains that the restrictions push a couple to look for verbal and other ways of expressing love. Shared attentiveness to the rhythm of family life also preserves a point of connection amid all the different demands of daily life.
“Husband and wife have to come up with verbal and other ways of expressing affection.”
In the Talmudic explanation cited here, the separation counteracts excessive familiarity. Its meaning is tied to renewing the wife's value in her husband's eyes when they return to intimacy.
“So that she will be as beloved as on the day she entered the wedding canopy.”
