A Marriage of the Shadchan's Convenience

"I always trusted our family shadchanit; she raised half my community in Los Angeles. But when it came to my own shidduch, I ran into harsh psychological pressure.

After four dates with a girl, I honestly told the shadchanit that I didn't feel an emotional connection. The girl is wonderful, but we have completely different life dynamics. The shadchanit's reaction shocked me. Instead of understanding, she started yelling at me and accusing me of being infantile: 'Ilan, you're 27! What 'connection' are you still waiting for? Romance is for secular movies. She's from a good family, modest, healthy. If you close this shidduch now, I wash my hands of it and won't lift a finger for your family again. You're just being fussy!' She brought my parents into it, and a real siege of the home began. They made me feel guilty for wanting to see a close friend in my wife rather than just a convenient contract partner. I gave in to the pressure, but I came to my senses in time and broke off the process before the engagement. Since then I've been searching on my own through friends, because to some shadchanim we're just statistics and a checkmark in a report."