"Dugri" Versus Political Correctness

"I was born and raised in New York, where the culture of communication demands maximum gentleness, roundabout phrasing, and hundreds of words of politeness. My husband is a native Israeli (a Sabra) from Tel Aviv. The first months of our marriage, after he moved to the US, were like walking on broken glass.

The Israeli culture of 'dugri' is utter, sometimes merciless directness. When I'd spend two hours making an elaborate dinner and ask his opinion, he could calmly say: 'The meat's a bit dry, last time it was better.' I'd lock myself in the bathroom and sob, taking it as a cruel insult and a dismissal of my effort. And he sincerely couldn't understand my reaction: 'Elizabeth, you asked — I answered honestly, I love you, why would I lie to you?' At the same time, my American tendency to approach things in a roundabout way drove him crazy: 'Say directly what you want, don't go in circles, I don't have time to decode your hints.' We've been together two years now and we're still writing our own family dictionary for translating from polite American into direct Israeli."