An Artist in a World of Lawyers

"I'm a professional musician and arranger. I write music for projects, I teach, I fully support myself, and I rent an apartment in Toronto. But to the shidduch system, I'm an anomaly and a risk zone.

When shadchanim look at my profile, they freeze at the line for 'occupation.' For conservative parents, the ideal son-in-law is a programmer, a lawyer, or someone learning in yeshiva. They see music as a frivolous hobby, a hint that I'm an 'unreliable rebel' with an unstable income. On dates, the first thing the girls ask is: 'So what's your real job? Music is nice and all, but how do you plan to make a living?' They've been coached that way at home. They don't see my personality, my talent, my devotion to the faith — they only see the absence of a fixed salary and an office schedule. I don't want to give up my calling just so a father-in-law will be pleased with my résumé. I'm looking for someone who will fall in love with my music and my chaos, but the system keeps trying to dress me up in the stiff suit of a clerk."