The "Last Train" Trap

"In my community, if you've turned 25 and you're still not married, people start looking at you with pity, as if you were terminally ill. By 28, that pity gives way to the quiet panic of everyone around you. At every Shabbat dinner my relatives would sigh, and my mother would cry over the phone, begging me to lower my standards for the men I was meeting.

Under this awful pressure, I agreed to marry a man who was absolutely wrong for me. On our dates I could see that he was cold, selfish, and deeply immature, but my inner voice, terrified by the community, screamed: 'Say yes! You're almost 30, there won't be anyone better, this is your last chance, or you'll be alone forever!' We got married. It was the most terrifying year of my life. I felt so lonely and miserable in that apartment with a stranger — more than I ever had as a single woman. We divorced a year later. Now I know for certain: staying single is not a tragedy. The tragedy is waking up next to someone you don't respect, simply because you were scared of other people's clocks ticking."