Prisoner of a Stranger's Wig

"I grew up in a Modern Orthodox environment in Miami, but my fiancé and his family come from a far more conservative circle. We love each other very much, but the approaching wedding fills me with a subconscious dread because of one thing: the wig (the sheitel).

By the rules of their community, immediately after the chuppah I am required to hide my hair completely under an expensive, heavy wig. My future mother-in-law has already dragged me to a salon, where we picked out a model costing several thousand dollars. I tried it on, looked in the mirror, and... did not recognize myself. A stranger was looking back at me — a grown, repressed woman. I have gorgeous, lively hair that has always been part of my 'self.' The idea that I must cut it off or hide it away for good in order to conform to the social standard of someone else's neighborhood suffocates me. When I tried to gently talk to my fiancé about the possibility of wearing beautiful head coverings or scarves (tichels), he was alarmed: 'Noa, my mother and sisters wear only a sheitel. If you go out in a tichel, our community will decide that I married a modernist, and it will hurt the family's reputation.' I feel that my identity is being erased for the sake of someone else's peace of mind."