The Hidden Baggage of a Baalat Teshuva

"I came to observance four years ago. Before that I lived a completely ordinary secular life in Boston: I graduated from university, built a successful career in corporate law, managed projects. My shadchanit in New York, after looking at my profile, threw up her hands in despair.

'Dina, you're too independent,' she told me. 'You have years of managerial work behind you and a secular mentality. The men in our community are looking for softness, compliance, and a willingness to submit. Your successful career as a lawyer is a huge minus for a good guy. They'll see you as a rival, not a wife.' She advised me to write simply 'office worker' on my profile and to behave more quietly on dates, not to display too much erudition or leadership qualities. It's a deep inner split. I sincerely love and embrace the traditions, but why, in order to build a family, must I pretend to be dumber and weaker than I really am? Why is my life experience considered a threat rather than an asset?"